Giving up dreams

Back in the day when I getting ready to graduate from high school, as I have previously mentioned, I had every intent to go to school and eventually become a marine biologist. You know, like a lot of teen girls do, only I knew what it entailed and the reality was it was not playing with dolphins or whatever they think. I loved biology in school, I did well in AP Bio. Naturally this drastically limited my options for school and Florida, California, and Hawaii, all seemed way too far away for me. I began looking at schools in Maine. In the fall of my senior year my dad and I went to Maine to visit two schools, College of the Atlantic and University of Maine at Machias.

COA was gorgeous, I highly recommend image searching the buildings. The ocean was right there. I was in love with the campus but not ready for the program. It was rather extreme. They grew their own food, they had only recently began serving meat. Everyone receieves their degree in human ecology. It was too out there for my rather-sheltered Christian-family self.

I went to UMM and then became homesick and transferred closer to home. After a year at that school I decided to take a year off. And that year was rather eventful for me, including my father's cancer diagnosis so I didn't return right away. There was never an "if" I go back, I have always meant to. When my dad died I began making plans to join my then-boyfriend at RIT. Then I found out that I was pregnant, orginially I was thinking about adoption and began thinking about going to school after the baby was born. Obviously I changed my mind and promised a very mini Mini-Geek that I wouldn't go back until he was at least a year old. When he was a few months shy of two I began taking classes and now here I am, one month from graduation, well and a day I think, I don't know I'm not going.

This has a point. Stay with me. Please?

But I always wanted to go back for something like marine bio or something oceany and earthy and did consider conservation biology but I wanted the ocean experience. With Mini-Geek I am tied to this area, where there are family to help.

I am planning a vacation for next year. I've got too much going on this year since there's a specific time I want to go that consists of about a one month period and waiting until Mini-Geek is another year older probably isn't a bad idea. I want to go back to Maine. One of my friends wants to come along as well so we're starting to look at places to stay and all. I want to go before black fly season but after school gets out. None of us mind the cold so going to Maine at the end of April-beginning of June isn't ridiculous at all and we don't mind the cheaper prices and fewer people! It's touristy and all, but I think we're going to Bar Harbor. I mentioned that she needs to see the buildings at COA. And now I'm wishing I had gone there. I've wished that several times over the last few years but now that I went to their site and everything...

And the wheels are turning. She asked why I don't go there. I said it's too much, I'd have to find a new job that pays what I make and has benefits and Maine isn't known for their super-jobs, I'd have to pay for day care while I was in class and at work and I can't afford that and I won't be able to find anyone to watch him that much, no day care would take him at those hours since I work full-time and I don't want to leave him in someone's home when I just met them, that's even weirder. Heck, I'm going to have a hard time with day care being in a seperate building if it ever comes to that. Then as she complained about a lack of a calendar on a site when picking dates it all clicked. Perhaps I could do web stuff for the local places as well as remotely? Then I would only need to worry about child care while I was in class. And I cannot help but wonder if there are mama commune-type things there... But the school is expensive. Far more than UB costs, that's for sure.