Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sad Post

I haven't mentioned my dad on here. On the 28th it will be four years since cancer got the best of him. Mini-Geek was a few cells big, too small for me to have a clue that my life was about to radically change in yet another way. Since his passing I have tried to make him proud, I think the dead can see us.

I talk openly about him with Mini-Geek and we have pictures of him in our apartment. We have gone to visit his grave at the cemetery many times as well.

Over the last four years I have heard from both my mom and step mom that Daddy would have been proud of me. A few days ago it all finally sunk in that he really would have and I began to cry. I mean here I am doing my best at raising this child, working, I'm in school and doing well. I'm about to have my Associate's and am transferring on to get my Bachelor's. I have a decent enough I suppose job at a well-known business and I do well at it. I have my own place that isn't too horribly much of a disaster most of the time. He really would be proud of me.

I just wish I could hear him say it.

I think that Mini-Geek sees him though. He tells me he does see Grandpa Geek. (And geek he was, when I was just a bit older than Mini-Geek he bought a Commodore 64, which brought me hours of fun. And let's not forget that Star Trek-watching he used to do, among other things.) One day not all that long ago we were in the living room and he told me Grandpa Geek was there. I asked where and he pointed by the windows and said "right there" like I was an absolute moron. I suppose I should get used to that tone because the future holds many words said like that. I asked what he was doing and he said reading my book. My programming book was on the other side of the coffee table, hidden from my view. Last week or so, nearly a month later, that same book was on my desk and Mini-Geek told me that Grandpa Geek reads that book. Also, ever since he was just a Very Mini-Geek he has occasionally acted as though someone was there when there was no one we could see, sometimes scrunching all up and giggling as though someone were tickling him.

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