Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Roommate Horror Stories, Ironically Twitter's Trending Topic is #fatpeoplearesexier

In light of everyone returning to school and Organic Meatbag's recent post I decided to talk at you about one of my roommates back when I went to college after high school before "taking a year off" (in my defense my dad was diagnosed with cancer in that year, then he kept getting sick, then he passed and I was going back and then I realized that I would soon find squishing my belly behind a desk would be near impossible so I decided to wait). We shall call this girl "Bertha" for privacy purposes.

Bertha seemed nice enough on the phone, I was transfering to a new school and despite my friend from high school being there, I was taking on a new roommate. I'd heard too many stories about high school friends hating each other after being roommates. When I met Bertha the first obvious thing about her was her size. She was a big girl, just remember this, it makes the story more appalling later on. She was nice and seemingly normal, she didn't appear to be anyone I'd be OMG BFFS 4-EVA with, but a nice girl still.

Things were not that great for me that semester and I started it off with some pretty bad insomnia. I slept every 3 nights for about 3 hours. I'd take walks, I'd waste time on the Internet, but I'd keep to myself during the late night hours and I'd keep quiet. She began to mimic my schedule, only she couldn't make it so she slept during the day. Now maybe the glow from my laptop bugged her, and if it did she should have said something, I don't know. We barely ever talked. She started sitting in the TV room lounge. She'd take her books and just live there practically. I'd come home from class to find her asleep in her bed, more often than I like to remember in a t-shirt that was riding up and underwear with the blankets thrown off of her.

Then she quit showering. At first the smell was just in my room, but it spread, soon the entire floor could smell her. People kept complaining to our RA. The TV room where she spent evenings and nights was in the middle of the floor, right in front of the elevator. Our RA was such a sweet girl and I can't imagine her talking to Bertha, she was too nice. She said she did but it didn't make too much of a difference. I think Bertha took a shower that day but continued on with not showering after that. It was awful, one night my friend and I took the elevator down to the mail floor to get some food from the desk. It reeked in there, the girl at the desk said that Bertha had been in there a half an hour or so ago, but it had been awhile and some people had been in it since, allowing the doors to open and air it out a bit.

Needless to say, I was making plans for a new roommate ASAP. I was trying to figure out a cordial way of saying good bye you stink, I'm finding someone else who showers when she announced that she was leaving.

I guess my new roommate and her mother spent quite some time scrubbing the walls on her side when they got there. Their rags were black with dirt.

I don't think anyone ever kept in contact with her and the following semester we even dared watch TV in the TV room! My new roomie was awesome and type of person whom I happily called roomie and left away messages on AIM to entertain and agreed that boys were really dumb.


  1. Hahahaha! That is one hell of a story! The unfortunate thing is, the name Bertha just kind of lends itself to this sort of behavior...maybe she was just doomed from the start, I don't know! Oh, and totally be sure to friend me up on Facebook if you'd like!

  2. Oh I called her Bertha on purpose, it was not her real name. Bertha is one of those names that seemed fitting.

    I shall go go add you.

  3. Ah shoot, I meant to link you and forgot to do it when I published this, all fixed now.

  4. I was an RA in college, and I had a resident who used the showers too infrequently. We staged a mini-intervention, but her habits never changed. It's alright, though, because she moved out shortly after.

  5. I do believe those types often move into their parents' basement and remain there for quite some time.